The first episode of The Great Adventures of
Liam the Curious has been written into a play, Mugwort’s
Bane. Inquiries are very welcome!
The Twilight of Enchantment has been written into
a full-length family play. Inquiries are very welcome!
OTHER CHILDREN’S TITLES
THE BEST NEARLY FAMOUS RAT CIRCUS EVER
© 2006 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
What happens when the man in the orange jumpsuit with his name
in purple sequins comes to the house to remove the rat, doing the dog-paddle
in the toilet?” Lizzy would have never believed her
rat would end up play the trumpet in the Ratz P.
Jammers swing band.
“What are you
going to do with that?” I asked, carefully opening the front door.
“I’m going to put
him in the rat circus.” He replied.
There’s a rat
“Yes.” It’s my
own soon to be famous rat circus.” I have clown rats that drive funny
remote-control cars, and rats that walk on wires, and rats that have exercise
“Really?” I was
“Ew!” The boys were not.”
“Yes.” I even
have rats that ride around on the backs of pigs.”
“I’ve never heard of that before.”
“There are lots of things you’ve never heard
NO BOVINE FLAPDOODLE
© 2006 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
Can Hannah save a steer from certain death
the rat-tat-tat of pretend machine guns, and the ERRRRRRR of” enemy fighter
planes, and ended up in the next-door neighbor’s backyard, where the war was
still in progress.” “A COW JUST SNIFFED ME!”” Hannah yelled into the chaos.”
all stopped firing to stare at her.” Mark McGraw ,
Hannah’s second oldest brother, was wearing a pot on his head and holding a
baseball bat as if it was a bazooka.””
did you say?”
just saw a cow and it came right up and sniffed me. And I touched it too!”
huh,”” Hannah’s brother said, and they all went back to shooting each other.
was confused.” She thought to herself,” “What did he mean, uh huh?” Why are
they still shooting?” Didn’t they hear what I just said?” “““““““““
But I really did see a cow!”
stopped the game again. Some of the kids groaned.
sister, Jane sighed. “Come on, Hannah, you’re always making stuff up!”
Tales of Peculiar
not the one in Missouri either
Perhaps there is something in the legend that
supposes your name is a clue to just who you are.” His parents cannot be
blamed for his name, being victims themselves of the Famous Dumpling Rain of
’89.” They were caught, unaware of the pending peril, on the roof of the
rendering plant.” Both of them were viciously pelted with a cornucopia of
dumplings.” Apple dumplings and bacon, my personal favourite,
cornbread dumplings, cranberry and crabmeat where falling everywhere.” The
crabmeat dumplings especially, I heard, were very messy upon impact.” There was also those tasty Polish cheese dumplings they call pierozki. I think it was the result of all the pierozki bouncing off their heads that they never quite
recouped their former intelligence, which according to Mildred, the town
gossip, hadn’t been much to brag about anyway.
brings us to Lance, whom Molly Flat was pregnant with during the Famous
Dumpling Rain of ’89.” Lance cannot utter, no matter what the circumstances,
the word fa…” Now, isn’t that silly of me. “This is
a small town - and, well - let’s just say that when anyone utters the word -
you know, it begins with ‘f’ and your mother told you it was crude and it
rhymes with tart and those of a more refined nature will simply say, ‘break
wind’.” If anyone in the town, especially Lance, says that word out loud you
cannot imagine the damage caused by one boy who is so allergic to the word…it
makes him…pass gas.” This is no ordinary pfft , silent but deadly
thing.” This is something much more powerful and pungent.” One night, he was
reading in his study while his pet dog, Wild Rover, who really annoyed me by
always humping my leg, was cleaning his privates.” Lance had the habit of
reading aloud, and without thinking, he uttered the words, ‘if art is
such’...” It was catastrophic!” The force of the unfortunate incident knocked
the dog clear into the kitchen, and to avoid offending your sensibilities,
I’ll just say Wild Rover no longer desires the young female dogs, or my leg,
the way he once did.” It was an altogether different sort of dumpling rain
that night. One hit old Mrs. Greaves in the head while she was out collecting
possum droppings from her garden, and the other landed on the revolving host
above the Apostolic church on Main St.
peculiar stories of Peculiar.
© 1998 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
not easy when you move from a big city to a house in the country. It's
not easy for anyone. Branwyn found this out
herself, when her folks decided that the country life would be good for all
of them. Branwyn's family belong to a very unusual
organization...and it is this organization that got her into such a
you ever been so wrapped up in something that you forgot, for even a moment,
that it wasn't actually real? This happened to Branwyn
too, and if it wasn't for the love and fast-thinking of her folks...she would
probably still be lonely and without friends. The creative way
that Branwyn's folks saved her day...not to mention
her whole social life at school, was to be something none of the kid's in
nasty Mrs. Sharnlock’s class, would ever
forget...especially, Mrs. Sharnlock!
Truth by Right of Arms is a play specifically for
Middle School/Junior High.
THE TEN THOUSAND DOLLAR POOP
© 1995 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
really likes Vivian. Vivian really likes Dave. Dave really likes
children. Vivian really likes Dave, so she pretends she really likes
children, and this is exactly how the problem started in the first
place. Dave brings his infant nephew Engelbert over to meet Vivian.
Unfortunately, Dave gets called into work for an hour, so he leaves the baby
with the unwilling Vivian. No one knows for sure if things would have
turned out differently for Vivian, had she realized the plastic container
held baby wipes, not little hand towels, but never in your wildest dreams can
you imagine how much damage can occur from the simple act of changing a
baby’s diaper. Simple of course, to those of us that
have experience in that particular area. Vivian, although she said she had,
actually, had no experience changing diapers. What a mess!.
THE DANDY LION
Written in the same meter as a timeless classic
a dandelion attempts to educate a gaggle of
gardeners about the dangers of pesticides and the virtue of herb.
what you've done!"
The Dandy Lion is also a play called, Pest
Alexandra is a only a baby when she
goes to the market with her dad. She understands very little of what he
says to her, but she is amazed by the sights and
sounds of the bustling place, safe in her snuggle. Unfortunately,
Alexandra's curiosity is aroused by something dark and mysterious, lurking in
a bucket. Little does she know, that
THE SOMEWHAT IFFY
© 1998 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
This tale began a very long time ago, when
Wales was a country filled with mystery and magic. The lush green hills
echoed with beautiful music performed by the enchanted dwellers of the
woods. The creatures there, both great and small lived their lives in
spite of mortal civilization moving ever closer by the day. As people
migrated to the more remote areas of the countryside, they brought along
their nasty dirty habits. As time progressed, they had the impertinence
to force the inhabitants to move away from their beloved land, and then rip
the land asunder, plundering it of its riches and beauty by mining it until
it lay barren and ugly. It's not to say that the magic there has
vanished, but now it is a rare and extraordinary thing to discover. You
must seek out the areas of undisturbed territory. Fresh springs that
spill down from the mountains that no man has plunged his hands into the cool
waters to drink. Caves that travel deep into the mountainside; the
entrance concealed by foliage. Hillocks that may appear to be only an
ordinary hill, often have secret entrances for the
creatures that live inside. There are still areas that contain magic, but
none that have been laid to waste by mortal greed and a disregard for
anything else. For you see creatures of the Old Earth Magic, can make themselves very scarce if they have no desire to be
recognized by humans, and if truth be known, they usually don't.
is the tale of how just when you believe there is no more magic in the word,
you are proved wrong...and just when you think you know exactly who you are,
you are proved wrong...for living in each of us, is wise and ancient magic
waiting to awaken.
Kate discovers this magic when she chances upon a little
cottage, in a lane where she frequently walks, where there has never been a
little cottage before. Enchanted by the
lovely garden in the front yard, she braves the odd place to take a closer
look, runs right into the resident of that cottage...Caffa.
From that day forward, everything in Catherine's life changes.
THE UNTIMELY APPEARANCE
© 2000 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
It could’ve been
worse but not much. It was the first day of school and
Jaden was going into the fourth grade. Yesterday, he had been
looking forward to today. New teacher, new year and hopefully, with a
little luck, no Sivart! Sivart
was the class bully who had made most of grade three absolutely miserable for
““““ You see, this was no ordinary
wart! Clinging to Jaden's leg was MAXIMUS FOEDITAS WARTY, as he would
tell them later, Maxwart for short. Maxwart looks a bit like a goblin. He is about six
inches from the point of his green hat, to the points on his odd-looking
shoes, with very pallid skin, a pointy nose with enormous nostrils, eyes that
protrude from his head and move independently of each other, brassy wild hair
and a red beard.
THERE AND BACK AGAIN...
“1985 by Paddy Gillard-Bentley
Once upon a time...
What if the line was there long before we
were born and continued long after our death? Were we alive long before
our birth, and continue our journey after our last breath? What if the
line suddenly became like a worm and part of it looped? Would you then
follow the path of the line and move out of linear time? This concept
could produce very interesting results if that meant you experienced things
out of everyone else's time frame. You could perhaps have an adventure
lasting two weeks and return to find out you have
only been missed for ten minutes. Because there is a tiny gap where the
loop begins and ends, if you chose to ignore it and travel the straight path,
would you lose ten minutes of time?
brings up some very fascinating ideas but I am getting way ahead of the
story...a story which bravely goes on a search for
truth, discovery and answers to some very puzzling questions. Purely a
fantasy...Jamie goes to an alternate world with her Granny Tess, who is by
our definition, a ghost, and learns some interesting philosophies regarding
the theory of ... Reincarnation. She'll be back for supper though, just there and back again...to see how far it is.
ALL THE STORIES REVEALED HERE, AND ANY ARTWORK ARE COPYRIGHT PROPERTY OF THE AUTHOR/ARTISTS. REPRODUCTION
OF ALL OR ANY PART OF THESE, INCLUDING COPYING, IS PROHIBITED WITHOUT THE
EXPRESS WRITTEN CONSENT OF THE AUTHOR/ARTIST.