EXTREME UNCTION: The
Sublime Comedy
© 1999 Paddy Gillard-Bentley
Period Comedy
4f/6m
2½ hrs.
The French Romantics at long last are introduced to the English
Romantics. The child-like poet P.B. Shelley, is the
first to arrive, still dripping wet from his little boat mishap, followed by
the mad, bad and dangerous to know Lord Byron. Self proclaimed victim,
Mary Shelley and neurotic Clair Clairmont,
Byron’s ex-lover, complete the English ensemble.
Enter
fastidious Frédéric Chopin, eloquent George Sand,
malicious Marie d’Agoult (Liszt’s
ex-mistress), an entirely amused Eugène Delecroix, an arrogant Alfred de Musset
looking to settle a score with George, and perhaps score with
her…again. Last to die a very
aged, soon to be inebriated Franz Liszt.
I’d get drunk too, if everyone but me regained their youth in
death.
These diverse, talented artists have one thing in common;
aside from their obvious neurosis…they are all completely, emphatically,
shuffled off the mortal coil - dead.
This
Purgatory they have arrived in, is nothing like Dante’s vision, but more
resembles a nineteenth century salon, hosted incredibly by a Mercurial, manic
and devious Mozart. Augment this mélange with a peculiar masked man who
enjoys creating chaos and puts a kink in more philosophies than Byron’s,
several fragile egos, raging hormones, copious amounts of wine and plenty of
rapier wit, and you have Extreme Unction, The Sublime Comedy.
An excerpt from the play.
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EUGÈNE I apologize
Shelley; I have no quarrel with you.
But her! (indicating Marie)
That transitory amusement of George's former lover. MARIE He insulted you Shelley! Why don't you just hit him? SHELLEY I am not a man comfortable with
violent solutions. MARY Shelley, people do recognize your
brilliance. MARIE I am quite comfortable with
violence! BYRON Don't lay a hand on him. He has impeccable taste in Poets. He adores me! SHELLEY Wonderful! Something you already share in common. (to Marie, indicating Byron) Hit him
instead. It might improve his
disposition. BYRON Shelley! EUGÈNE George had him first, Marie. She struggles harder. SHELLEY I jest my good friend. (to Eugène) Let us endeavor to avoid the temptation of
setting ourselves in opposition. MOZART (aside) Isn't this delightful. I haven't had the pleasure of such
entertaining company in...ages. George Sand, dressed in men's
clothing, enters the usc door. Amused, she assesses the situation, while
smoking an Egyptian cigarette. Mozart
is the only one to notice her. MOZART Exquisite! MARIE Eugène, you are a barbarian!
SHELLEY Only mildly so. BYRON He is a fine man! Can we spank her? MARIE (struggling
with Chopin) Let me go! BYRON Do not let that woman go! CHOPIN The strength I have recovered in
this body is exhilarating. It is
futile for you to struggle Marie. Eugène moves behind Mary, putting his arms around her. MARIE (to Eugène) Must you use a woman for protection? EUGÈNE Never for defense, only for
pleasure. Marie reaches a glass of wine from
the table. She and Chopin struggle and
the contents fly toward Eugène who pushes Mary out
of the way and ducks. The wine hits
Shelley in the face. George
grimaces. CHOPIN Now see what you have done! Mary begins drying Shelley’s
face with her hanky. MARY Ah Shelley. Are you all right? SHELLEY I fear I am condemned to be
saturated for eternity. They laugh. MARIE (still struggling) I liked you better when you were pathetically
sick and weak. Let me go! EUGÈNE It is torture to listen to that
raving woman! SHELLEY To us all! CHOPIN Marie, you go too far for simple
speculation. SHELLEY In my experience, speculation is
never a simple thing. BYRON Now tell us Eugène,
I really must know. This George and
Liszt fellow, they were fornicating like boars in heat right under her nose
weren't they? MARIE FOR THE LAST TIME, FRANZ AND
GEORGE WERE NOT LOVERS! MOZART The Baroness Aurore
Dudevant! A delighted George slams the door.
Everyone turns. EVERYONE George!??!! Marie gets away from Chopin and
plunges her fist into Eugène's stomach. George grimaces. He goes down. BLACKOUT ~Ènd of act I~
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All work here is
copyright by Paddy Gillard-Bentley.
Reproduction of all or any part of this play is prohibited without the express
written consent of the author.
